Alpaca

Allow me to get off the subject for a minute or two. Ok, you’re right, I was never on a subject; but if I were, this would be off it.

Recently, Larry has been saying how much he would enjoy visiting an alpaca “ranch”. “How about llamas?” I queried. “No, just alpacas; lamas spit at you, and, alpacas always relieve themselves in the same place”, he said. (I might point out that I generally relieve myself in the same place, but have never generated the interest that these animals seem to enjoy.) Regardless, I’ve been keeping an eye out for alpacas to let Larry know where he could witness these marvels of nature first hand. As luck would have it, Michael and I were out riding when he pointed out a bunch of alpacas not far from town. Today, while riding alone, I saw some people in the driveway of the farm and decided to stop to inquire if they would welcome a curious visitor. Evidently they deemed me curious enough and offered to give me the fifty cent tour.

For your edification, here are a few of the things I learned about alpacas and llamas.

Two guard llamas were kept in the herd of 13 alpacas to drive off coyotes. (Incidentally, llamas rarely spit at people, but Alpacas spit at each other frequently.)

Alpacas do poop in the same spot, and not to be outdone, others of the herd will queue up to make a deposit themselves. My tour guide likened it to ladies lining up at the loo in a movie theater.

The stuff covering an alpaca is called “fiber”.

The nearest factory to process the fiber is in South America. (The fiber from an alpaca generates enough money to feed it for a year. Alpacas are cheap to feed.)

Alpacas are not cuddly despite their appearance, and don’t like to be touched.

Alpacas are horny; however, some Alpacas don’t have a clue as to how to go about making little alpacas, and have to visit other farms where they can observe first hand what’s expected of them.

These breeders had two alpacas for sale at $15,000 apiece.

There were other interesting things, but this should be enough to pique even the most jaded curiosity.

One final note regarding the economics of alpacas. The ownership and sale of alpacas is a pyramid scheme. Except for producing a little fiber, their sole purpose is to produce little alpacas that can be sold to other people to produce more little alpacas to sell. When the alpaca market becomes glutted, pity the poor soul who was the last in line. Those Peruvians saw the fat man coming.